Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
