would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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