New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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