I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
How naked do you want me to be?
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