The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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