i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
