I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
