My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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