Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
