I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
At least life still wants to fuck me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
