I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
