Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize