I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
