there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
