that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
