In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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