bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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