Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
