that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
