He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
