Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
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When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
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Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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