Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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