i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my being single is dangerous.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
