I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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