We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
