this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
