Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
they're like a gay fantastic four
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
