i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
