dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
