the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
