Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
