I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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