I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
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