I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's shark week go big or go home
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
