the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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