The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
