Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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