I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
