Define "chronic" masturbator.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
