Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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