The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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