The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
