Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
