Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
