How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize