we have pet lesbian snakes
i already hear my dad disowning me
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
