Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
