When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
