i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
