"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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