what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
