this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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