Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
