please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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