Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
