That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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