He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
