how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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