the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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