I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
