I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Pants are for mortals
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
