im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
