the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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