you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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